I have a laptop now, and I couldn't be more happy. I haven't had one in close to two years and it's made blogging more and more difficult to even contemplate. I am really hoping that having this access will help me to find my voice again.
In therapy, it's hard. At home, it's hard. At work, it's hard. I have no real outlet and things pretty much suck. I am really hoping that I will be able to once again articulate my experience in hopes that I will be able to give it meaning and provide others with the experience of seeing first hand what the therapy experience can really look like.
These days I see my therapist once a week for an hour and half. I definitely could use more support but she is a really good fit and we're working well together. I am working full-time in a very stressful job and I am starting back to school in a couple of weeks...full-time. My living arrangement is still the same, I live with my BFF and it's...complicated.
I've reached a strange place where all those traumatic things are finally taking ahold of me. I'm able to see that things happened, and it was all real and it was all bad. Surprise, this has never really made sense to me before. Surprise, I am also in the place where it feels like everything is a lie and I'm all kinds of messed up and I have no idea what to do with that. All of this feels unmanagable, but what other option is there? I HATE being in this place where everything hurts and everything takes too much energy. I hope it lets up, or at the very least I get a break.