Shout Out...

I receive a lot of links to my blog on other websites, a lot of mentions and I feel like all the people I read deserve much, much more than just a mention in my blogroll. Here are some of the great blogs I follow:

A Put Together Mess - Bravehearts is a young professional recovering from her past with some great insights, check her out..not to mention a personal friend of mine that I simply could not do without.

Clinically Clueless - Clueless is anything but, she has such an amazing willingness to do the work it takes to recover from her past that I am constantly amazed.

The People Behind My Eyes - Artist & Survivor, a truly inspiring blog full of honesty and overcoming obstacles.

Sparks in the Night - Eeabee shares life experiences while working through the difficult and the triumphs and does so with eloquent writing and humor.

The Thriver's Toolbox - April writes about her struggles in life in such a way that you can find yourself relating with such ease, only it doesn't stop at relation...her themes are thought provoking and forward movement inspiring.

JewBu Quest - Karma is one of the most honest bloggers I have read and her honesty is incredibly natural. The quote she has on her profile is striking and seems to fit perfectly with her style "What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open."

Just Be Real - I have struggled and continue to struggle with my faith through this process, but her faith makes it easy to understand what I am searching for in my faith, very insightful and inspiring.

Secret Shadows - Information, Inspiration and Connectedness. It's the blog you need to feel less alone in the DID world...

Thoughts and Musings of a Girl Interrupted - She says what I sometimes cannot figure out how to say and I don't think she realizes how awesome she is...check her out.

Mind of Menace - Oh how I missed her posts. Her writing style is one in which you can relate without even realizing how deep into it you are going...very strong, very poetic and simply amazing! So glad she came back to write.

Migraine Chow - If you aren't reading her, you should be. Immi has a sense of humor unlike any other and shares her struggles with a candidness you could only feel with a close friend. I am honored to read her...

Desire to Heal - Simply put, the desire to heal and amazingly well written.

And that is just to get you started....

Behind the Scenes of C&J

I receive a lot of e-mail, which is awesome by the way...keep it coming. I get a lot of really thoughtful and amazing comments that help me cope with the day, and I often receive invites to join websites blog directories and I have been featured a few times. So naturally I get a LOT of questions that I never seem to find enough time to answer completely. (I do manage a couple of other internet projects, I design on the side, I work full-time, I have therapy and sometimes I am social) I usually get two kinds of questions: questions about me as a person and questions about this blog. So today I am going to pick a few of the frequent fliers and answer them for you :-)

Why do you change your look so frequently?

There are several reasons for that actually. My header is a great place for me to practice general web design and theories and test them out. I am not into HTML so I just play with the graphics and color schemes to figure out what is visually pleasing, what works and more importantly what doesn't. I also struggle terribly with liking any of the work I do for more than a moment and it's good practice at me accepting something I created. And finally, I don't want to be an image or color scheme. I don't want anything other than crackers and juiceboxes to be affiliated with my blog image. I am always changing and so is my blog. A few times the change has been in honor of a certain part that hasn't felt so appreciated as well, and they become excited when I do that for them.

DID is hardly ever talked about, how do you advertise your blog?

I don't actually, in the beginning all the hits I got were either from fellow bloggers sites that were kind enough to add me to their blogroll or google searches. As my hits went up Technorati noticed me and I began to develop a higher hit average from that site and it all went uphill from there. Once "The Experience Project" noticed me then several other mental health sites featured me. Now I average about 50-70 hits a day. On days I post it's higher. These are some of the google searches: (some are kinda funny)

juice box
describe containment
Sheppard Pratt and dissociation
safe place imagery
creative uses for juiceboxes
art therapy
ending therapy "therapist's reaction"
mentally interesting
dissociation
Ridgeview

and it goes on. I suppose my popularity was also due to Mr. Walkers recent book as well as the release of "United States of Tara". The general public has questions about DID and stumble on to my blog.

Where do you get your information on symptom management?

Most of the information I post is from my personal experience through treatment using Sheppard Pratt's philosophies of symptom management. Some of the exercises I post are from the workbook "Growing Beyond Survival' but I generally try to modify them a bit so that they are more easily understood by people that have never been through the programs I have. And then some of the information I gather I take to Therapist or e-mail her about and ask her opinion.

What is the goal of your blog (thanks for this Julio! I had to dig deep)?

At first there wasn't truly a fully formed goal. And I kept my blog secret from many people until I established theme and flow to my blog so there wouldn't be any expectations. I wanted to balance writing about my personal struggles with a way to post about managing DID as well. I really have come to the conclusion that this blog is a cluster f*** of ideas, techniques and a lot about what living with DID is really like. My blog has been spread through the professional community of treatment providers with DID clients as well, and maybe some people don't speak candidly about what their experience is, so I try to be really honest in hopes that something will click for someone out there. And even more important, for those that are silently struggling with their problems to maybe feel less alone or less of an odd ball.

Now for a few questions about me personally:

How old are you exactly? I am 25.
I know you have said before, but what treatment centers have you been to? Sheppard Pratt Trauma Disorders Unit, Sheppard Pratt's Eating Disorder Unit, Psychiatric Institute of Washington, The Ridgeview Institute and Children's Hospital Center.
Do you have siblings and did they experience the same things? Yes, I have an older sister (11 years older) and an older brother (6 years older) and as far as I know, they did not go through the same things I did.
Did you go to college? Yes, I did. I went to George Mason University in Virginia for Sociology/Psychology and University of Baltimore Law which I did not finish. Oh and I took some classes for an AA in graphic design but we won't go there.
How many therapists did it take to find the current person you are seeing? Oh, wow. That could be a long story. But to make it simple, 14.
How long have you struggled with your eating disorder? Oh I hate math, 17 years? I was first hospitalized for it when I was 8.
Where do you live? I live right outside of Atlanta, GA...and I've almost been here for 2 years.
Do you have a significant other? No, I do not. I have decided to keep that on hold until I am more together. I was engaged once and I have had a couple serious relationships that have ended because of my problems interfering with my ability to connect at the same level as my SO.

And I think that is it for today. Thanks for all the questions guys!

Comment on Comments :-)

Alright, so I have to post about all the amazing comments I have received over the past couple of days both through e-mail and directly to posts. I had NO idea that my blog would positively impact anyone. I had no clue that things I said would resonate with people reading and I certainly had no idea that I would get so many visitors.

I.am.simply.amazed.

My intention was just to put this information out there, it was to lessen the shame I have about my childhood and increase my own awareness, it was to leave a small space on the web for this stuff and my only hope was maybe that one or two people would stop in, read a little and maybe gain something from a coping skill.

The response I have gotten has completely stunned me and amazed me. I have received tons of personal e-mails where people are sharing themselves with me, giving a voice to their past. I have e-mails and comments about how people are going to try out some of those coping skills and that they have excitement over them. I have questions to answer. I have received so much positive feedback about my story that I cannot even begin to explain how much healing this blog is doing for me. Not that it's in one big swoop of sudden healthiness, but in all seriousness I feel like I have more emotional energy than I've had in a long time.

My degree is in Sociology, I've been trained to look at groups of people as a whole, a functioning unit. Every time I tried to stray back to individual thoughts and variances my professors/mentors had to grab me and pull me back to 'the whole picture'. I struggled with this for the first 2 1/2 years. Some even thought I should just get it over with and move on to psych. However, with enough coaching I soon lost perspective on the individual and thought about group process. Today though, after reading so much feedback I gained that fire back in me that looks at each life separately, each individual has something unique to bring to the world. I have such a deep respect for people's stories and experiences and I realized just how important that is to me.

So if you are reading this, you are one of those people and I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.