"Everything" Skit and Faith

****If you are sensitive to religion I advise you not continue****

I have received this video on Facebook twice and in my e-mail once, it's floating around my circle of friends. It's a skit done to the song "Everything" by Lifehouse depicting a young girls struggles of staying with Jesus or following the paths of lust, money, alcohol, eating disorders, self harm and eventually suicide. If you'd like, please watch.

I've watched it at least 10 times over the past 24 hours and every time I watch it I cry. You should know that it takes a lot to make me cry but for some reason when the girl throws the gun and runs back I start bawling like a baby.

I often struggle with my faith, organized religion and knowing how I feel about the matter. At one point in my life I was involved in a church whose sole purpose was to hurt children so I stayed away from any church for a long time. When I was seventeen I met an amazing Catholic family that pretty much took me in a showed me how to live a life in faith with the church. I was confirmed catholic in April 2001. At that time in my life the only thing keeping my alive was my faith in God and my comfort in the catholic church. I spent many nights in the Perpetual Adoration Chapel begging God to give me a sign that he was with me and to not allow me to end my life. I considered becoming a nun and my best friend, she gave up college and became a nun. It was amazing.

My therapist at the time was a devout Catholic and she went to my church. Her husband and her attended my confirmation and I was her proud Catholic patient. In the summer of 2001 she dropped me saying that I was not treatable. (not to mention she had an affair with my father while he was alive and felt enormous guilt after his suicide) Suddenly she made being in my church an unpleasant and unwelcoming experience. She gave me mean looks and told the Youth Priest that I shouldn't be allowed to run the youth group because of my instability. I became an outcast in the only place I felt accepted. I changed churches but it wasn't the same. My lifeline became a constant reminder that I was unacceptable and I sunk into a deep despair and my faith shattered.

When I entered treatment at Sheppard Pratt I was hospitalized for long periods of time and spent most of it severely suicidal. My faith had never seemed so far away and my connection to my beliefs faded away. For several years I didn't attend Mass and I didn't pray. Since moving to Georgia I have gone back to Mass and I pray regularly but something about it is still not right. I would love to accept God back into my life the way that it was before, I desperately want that reassurance and hope to keep me sane. I am unsure of how to get that connection back into my life and find the safety and security I had before.